Remains of Silence : A Memoir of Breaking, Building, and Becoming

Remains of Silence is a literary memoir spanning five decades and multiple continents, chronicling the life of a gay boy raised amid the instability of a dysfunctional and abusive family and a white-supremacist society in Apartheid-era South Africa.
In spite of complete neglect from his alcoholic narcissistic mother and his equally narcissistic, absent father, he performs, runs the household, becomes the parent, and survives. He ultimately becomes a globally recognised designer, painter, and pianist. Yet, behind his outward success, he carries the hidden injuries of a boy who was never truly seen.
Written with piercing insight and raw poetic clarity, this memoir maps a journey from emotional abandonment to self-acceptance. Through vivid chapters that unfold as stand-alone essays—each one a window into a particular ache, betrayal, or epiphany—the author unpacks themes of safety, love, identity, visibility, and healing. From Champagne Breakfasts and schoolyard humiliations to international acclaim and lovers who couldn’t stay, Remains of Silence explores the emotional choreography of a life spent dancing around rejection in search of home.
With a voice that is confessional yet composed, unflinching yet touched by a pinch of humour, Stef-Albert Bothma brings readers into the private terrain of healing what was once unspeakable. The result is a powerful narrative for anyone who has ever had to grow up too soon, live with abuse in an alcoholic environment, live unseen, or learn the difference between performance and love.
And despite it all, a testimony that it is indeed possible to overcome the impossilbe. That which was broken, built, and ultimately to become self. Unapolagetically and whole.